Book Reveiw

The Hunger Games

Rachel Randgaard

“The Hunger Games” I’m sure most of you, if not all of you have read the first book of the three. Most of you who will read this know what the book is like, so to you this may just be an opinion paper. But to those who have not read it, I strongly recommend that you do.

The Hunger Games,written by Suzanne Collins, takes place in the future. Katniss Everdeen carries the heavy burden of trying to provide for her small, but poor family, Prim, and their mother. Katniss hunts and gathers in the woods, trading in the hob just to make enough money to survive.

Every year an event called “The Hunger Games” takes place. No one wants to compete, and having your name drawn means certain death. Only one person, out of twenty-four, survives the Hunger Games. Katniss fears her name will be drawn. But she should have feared a very different problem-- Prim’s name being drawn.

In the book, Katniss sacrifices her chances of survival to save Prim, out of love. Katniss sees Prim as the only blood kin she has left, beings that she has never trusted her mother since her father’s death, so Katniss will do anything to keep Prim alive. Even to the extent of surrendering her life to save Prim’s

The Hunger Games demonstrates having to do anything for survival; being forced to show no weakness; taking things to a brutal step, just to survive.

Of course, in every book it seems that romance has to play it’s part in the story line, and The Hunger Games does not disappoint on that matter.

Peeta Melmark, the son of the baker in District 12, is a person that Katniss feels that she owes her life to him, because shortly after her father’s death, Peeta risked a beating from his mother to give some bread to her. That one act of kindness ends up saving Katniss and her family. Throughout the book, Katniss fakes her love for Peeta out of an attempt to survive... Or is she faking? Katniss herself does not know. Toward the end of the book after everyone else is dead, only Katniss and Peeta remain. Who dies? or will they both concoct a way to survive together?

Personally, I think the book would have been perfectly fine without the “love story”.The pace of the story was perfect before the romance, and I think that, even though faked, the romance could have waited to play a part later on in the series. Not to mention the “romance” kind of throws the story line into a whole whirlwind of unpredictable events. Oh well, I guess. Of course otherwise it would have made the ending entirely different. But I won’t give that away.

Aside from the romance part of the book, and the dramatic, cliff hanger-type ending, I liked the book very much. It’s the type of book that draws you in and you can’t put down until you’re done reading. Even then it’s not enough, you’re going to need to have the next books on hand because you’re just going to want to keep reading. Though I have heard the third, and final, book of the series is rather... depressing. I’ll find that part out for myself eventually.

The Hunger Games rates at five out of five on my scale.

Broken Twice (Part 8)

Ch 8: Alive

beep! beep! beep! That sound was getting annoying. I opened my eyes and saw a heart monitor next to me. I looked to my right, an I.V. was hooked up to me. I closed my eyes, the struggle was over for now; I’d overcome death. That’s all people could ask of me right now.

“Christy?” I heard Spencer’s voice.

“Hmm?” was all I could muster, I felt so overwhelmingly tired.

“You’re alive” was all he said. His voice wavered at the end. I looked over at him and saw him crying. I had never seen him cry before.

“Spencer...” I began to cry too. I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I didn’t have the strength for that now... and neither did he.

“Christy, I’ll ask later what happened; I’m just so glad you’re alive!” He said.

    He and I sat in comfortable silence; just looking at each other’s faces for nearly an hour, before he had to go home and the doctors had to check on me again.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, so don’t go anywhere, kay?” he said with a weak smile as he headed out the door.

“Haha, okay.” My ribs hurt even when I fake laughed.

Mom and Dad came to see me about an hour after Spencer left. Mom was a mess. She kept asking me questions that I could hardly answer. The doctor came in to tell us that I had a concussion, and that I should take it easy for a month or two.

This was the first time in a long time I’d ever seen my dad sober. It was also the first time that I could remember that he’d shown any concern for my well being. I wondered what could have possibly changed him in such a short time. I’d have to think about that later.

I had to stay in the hospital for about three days. The doctors wanted to keep a close eye on my concussion and broken ribs.

“Someone upstairs must really like you” one doctor told me. Apparently I had been one blow away from permanent brain damage. I rolled my eyes at that remark.

On the day they released me, they wheeled me out to the car in a wheelchair, though I knew I could walk just fine. The first thing my dad did was to ask me where I wanted to go eat... dad never took me out... what is going on?

“Um, you pick” I told him.

“No, this is the day you get out of the hospital, you pick.” He put some effort into a smile. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled... or been nice to me for that matter.

“Okay, um, let’s go to DQ” I said, while pulling myself into the car.

I watched my dad walk around the car and get in.

“Okay dad, what’s going on?” I asked, “No jokes, please.”

Dad was quiet for a minute. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” he responded, “I’ll tell you my story, then if you want, you can tell me yours.”

Wait, dad’s letting me choose?! This was a first as well, normally he’d force it out of you.

We sat down after ordering. I waited, dad would speak when he was ready.

“You know, that Spencer friend of yours is a real good kid,” Dad started out.

Oh no! please no! don’t think that! Don’t think that he and I are going to need “The talk”

“While you were in the hospital, he came and talked to me. Pointed out some of the mistakes I played in your life. At first I wanted to shred him to pieces, There’s nothing wrong with me! I had yelled at him. He replied calmly, ‘You realize you’re saying that with a beer in your hands, right?’ Spencer made me come to grips with the role that I was supposed to, but wasn’t, playing in your life.

“While you were in the hospital. I changed, I want to stay changed. So far it’s working for your mother, I want to change to help you too.”

I sat quietly for a few minutes. “What?”

“Christina, while you were out, I accepted Christ. I prayed, and you came out alive.” Dad was... crying?

I swallowed. “That’s great for you, Dad,” I said. I wasn’t comfortable with where this conversation was going. I would have almost rather have the sex talk versus this... almost. Maybe it was partially because when I was little I used to pray to God that dad would change. That had never happened. So I gave up on the God thing long ago.

The weeks went by. Things really did begin to get better. Dad was nicer to me. Mom worried less. My parents were finally beginning to respect me. Eventually Spencer, mom, and dad sat down with me one day, and gave me their testimonies. Spencer’s was really touching. Before he had met me, before he’d come to our school, he was the outcast, the “emo freak” kid. He was debating whether or not to kill himself. He’d prayed for someone to come along that needed him as much as he needed them. Then he met me. That day God had won my heart. I couldn’t imagine life without Spencer. God had put us in each other’s lives for a reason.

Fast forward about ten years. Spencer and I are now married with two kids. My faith in Christ is stronger than ever. Spencer and I had our struggles along the way, but I’ll save that for some other story.

And that’s the first story of how I was Broken Twice.

Note: I Had intended for my story go far beyond this ending. Sorry if it kind of leaves a lot of loose ends, but this is about as good as I can do with limited time. If you think I should keep going, and re-write the ending how I had at first planned, let me know :)   -Rachel

Broken Twice (Part 7)

Ch 7: Afraid

He stopped the car in front of a house I didn’t recognize. It looked like a party was in full swing inside. I hesitated. I had never gone to a party before. I mean the “drink ‘till you throw up” kind. I was nervous.

           “What if we get caught?” I asked.
           He rolled his eyes at me. “We won’t, trust me, we won’t.”
           I got out of the car. I had a bad feeling about this, like something was about to happen that would change the course of my whole life. I shook my head; I was being paranoid. Like I had been for the whole time I’d been with Caleb, nothing bad had happened yet.
           He opened the big door for me, the music that greeted me was deafening. The smell of weed, beer, and other substances was thick in the air. Some people were dancing, others were passed out on the floor, and some were on the couches making out.
           “Hey! It’s Christy!” someone cried from behind me. I turned to see Lindsay, one of my former lunch crowd friends, running my way. “I never thought I’d see you at a party like this!” she shouted over the blaring music.
           “Me neither!” I replied.
           “What?” she hollered over the noise.
           “Nothing!” I shouted. Then some guy behind us barfed on the rug. Shrieks of grossed out girls and nauseated guys drowned out the music for a minute, then someone came and threw out the rug and the party returned to its former chaos.
           “And I’m supposed to enjoy this?” I practically yelled at Caleb.
           “Not this part in particular, once things die down a little, it gets interesting.” He answered.
           Something about this statement didn’t seem right to me. Nevertheless I didn’t have time to think it over before someone shoved me to the floor.  I quickly got back up before dancing teenagers could trample me.
           Caleb towed me away from the crowd, up the stairs, and into a room. I couldn’t tell whether it was a library, a bedroom, or an office.
           “Christy…” he started walking towards me. A look in his eyes that took me a split second to read. I decided to play dumb.
           “What?” I asked.
           He touched my face. I cringed; I don’t know why I did. Gut reaction I guess.
           “I want more from you than what you’ve been giving me.” He grabbed my waist, I twisted away from him.
           “Don’t you love me?” he asked.
           “If that’s all you want from me then, no.” I replied with sudden courage, and began to make my way for the door.
           He blocked my way.
           “You will not leave me.” He said. Anger could be heard in his quiet tone.
           “Actually, that’s exactly what I had in mind.” I held my head high.
           He then grabbed my arms. I was going to have a bruise from how tight he was holding them. “Hey! Let me go!” I cried. My prior courage was suddenly over taken by fear. He grabbed my shirt and began to pull at it with one hand while the other was occupied by trying to hold me still.
           “Help! Help!” I screamed over and over again, no one heard me. I began kicking and squirming to get out of his grasp. Then finally a brief moment of victory. I was free. I bolted to the door, and threw myself out of the room. The party downstairs was still going strong. I franticly shoved my way through the partying crowd. I hardly heard the complaints about spilled beer and toes stepped on.
           I finally was outside. It was really dark out and it was a new moon. So you could hardly see anything ten feet away from the house. I had no ride home but I didn’t care. I ran, it didn’t matter how fast, far or hard I had to run. I just had to get away as fast as possible.
           The woods that surrounded the house were thick and foreboding, but it was the only way home. Besides, I’d rather face a rabid wolf than have to go back to Caleb and the possibility of being raped.
           I pushed my legs as fast as they could go, and after awhile I stopped and listened. I heard footsteps behind me. I began running again.
           “Christy!” I heard Caleb call, “If I EVER cross you again I swear, I will kill you!”
           Then, just my luck, I tripped. I looked up and Caleb was standing over me. “No one ever rejects me,” he snarled, “and if they do, they don’t live to see another day”
           I spit on his feet at these words, then he picked me up by the collar of my shirt and looked me square in the eyes. “And then, I’m going to go kill Spencer.”
           “No” I choked. That was the one thing I didn’t want. Spencer meant more to me than anyone else in the whole world.

Caleb slammed me against the ground. I hit my head on a rock and I could feel blood pouring down the side of my head. I began to feel light headed. The world seemed to be spinning. Caleb then kicked me in the ribs, I heard a sickening CRACK!!! as one of my ribs broke. Caleb then picked me up again, this time by my hair. I screamed bloody murder, though it was made difficult by how sore my lungs were. I couldn’t breathe. Somehow, through the pain I had the strength to say one last thing.

“You will not hurt Spencer... Even if it costs me my life.” I wheezed.

“Well, you’re about to loose yours anyway.” he growled at me. Then I saw it. In his other hand he was holding a knife. he held it to my throat.

“CALEB!!! What the hell are you doing man!” I heard Nick, one of Caleb’s former friends say.

The last things I heard was the sound of Caleb getting wrestled to the ground and someone scream “CALL 911!!!”

*        *        *        *        *        *               *

I knew I was dead, I had to be. Life couldn’t have been this uncomfortable. My head hurt, my ribs hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. I could feel something pushing air into my lungs, it was annoying. I wanted to breathe at my own pace.

What made me know I was dead was probably the never-ending blackness. No matter how hard I tried, I could not open my eyes. I felt as though I was suffocating under the heavy weight of the darkness. Though I was breathing, I was not at the same time. I felt cold. I felt alone. I could remember how I’d gotten here, and that was all I could think about. I hoped Caleb had gotten what he deserved. I was getting what I deserved for my stupidity. I began to worry about Spencer. I hoped he was alright and that Caleb had never gotten anywhere near him.

Suddenly I gasped for air and I was thrown from the darkness to a room with bright lights. I couldn’t see anything clearly. I heard people yelling “She’s coming out of it!” and “She’s alive!” and tears of joy. So apparently I wasn’t dead. Just passed out.

I looked around me, but I still couldn’t see. “Where am I?” I breathed.

“You’re in the hospital, hun.” said one voice I didn’t know.

I reached out “Where’s Spencer?” I asked, my words were slurred.

Pause. “We’ll find out.” I heard hurried footsteps leaving the room.

I blinked, and my vision cleared a little. I was in the hospital, that was for certain.

“What happened?” I heard my mom’s frantic voice.

Suddenly everything went dark again. I was drowning under that darkness. I heard frantic voices fade as I faded. I wasn’t going to make it through this was I? I wanted to cry, but couldn’t remember how. I just knew death was quickly drawing near, and I never got to say good-bye to anyone.

“Christy! Come back!” I heard the echo of Spencer’s voice, calling me back. I wanted to obey his warm, lovely voice; but I was tied down under the weight of the darkness. I wanted to scream to him “I’ll come, I want to come” but I couldn’t feel my lips, or anything else for that matter.

I felt heavy rhythmic shoves on my chest. “Her heart’s stopped!” someone shouted. Someone screamed in agony. I realized it was Spencer. Spencer. That was all I could think about. I realized then that I loved him, not in the way that I had previously thought love was. It was a different kind of love. The kind of love that you would do anything for that one person, and how that love was returned. The kind of love when you don’t need to physically flaunt your love to prove to yourself that it’s there, you just know that it is there, and that it would not fade. My death would do him no justice.

I suddenly found myself fighting the darkness, and I surfaced again. I was greeted by overwhelming pain. Like pure burning agony. I screamed. Everyone around me was hurrying, trying to get what needed to be done, done.

This whole time I was screaming, “NOOO! AGH! IT HURTS!” This was the first time my voice had come clear, ringing with the agony I bore. I felt something sharp in my arm.

I faded again.

Broken Twice (Part 6)

Ch 6: I’m not sure what I want anymore…
           I watched Caleb drive away. I’d had a good time tonight, despite myself.  He never kissed me; he’d just held me in his arms, which was good because I don’t think I could handle anything else right now, to add to the confusing mess of emotions that were already storming inside my heart.

The instant I stepped in the door dad was on my case. “Where have you been!?” he yelled at me.

“I was with Caleb” I responded. I held my head high and I stood to my full height. I would not be bullied around.

Dad’s face turned puce. “I don’t like that Caleb character, I don’t want you around him anymore.”

“Yeah, dad, you can want something but not get it.” my tone was defiant.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that young lady.” he snarled. This whole time mom had been cowering in the background. Apparently he’d already given her a talking to about something she’d done wrong.

“Whatever dad. Whatever.” and before he could backhand me, I ran up to my room and locked the door.

           I wanted to talk to someone, but I realized that no one would understand; no one would care and the people that would have cared, would reject me for what I was going through. So I kept it all inside. I kept it a secret. The conflicting thoughts in my head were my own personal battle… and they consumed me. It took all my energy out of me. All I could think about was Caleb. Caleb and I sat at lunch together every day. My friends gave up on seeing if I would be available for the weekend. I was always with Caleb. My friends eventually quit trying to even talk to me. It was always “Caleb this, or Caleb that” and they all got sick of it. At the time though, I didn’t care. I thought I was content with having only Caleb.
           I was lying to myself though. Two months went by like this. I eventually realized that Caleb alone wasn’t good enough for me. He was changing me. And not in a way I particularly liked. I felt a need for the physical part in the relationship. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Caleb had made me change to be like that and I had no control over it. I had still not ever kissed him. Mainly because I wasn’t entirely sure this was what I wanted. But I knew that my desire for something more grew the longer I was with him.
           One day about mid-December, just before Christmas break Caleb wasn’t there. He’d left early to go and visit some relatives. I had tried to talk to my friends but they just ignored me and treated me like I wasn’t even there. At lunch I tried to sit with them, but they just got up and moved.
           “Geez Christina, can’t you take a hint?” Sarah, my former best friend, called over her shoulder.
           I sunk down, realizing what I’d done. I suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore. I sat alone. My tears welling up. I really didn’t want to cry, I was wearing mascara. I buried my head in my hands. Rapidly blinking back tears, then I got up, dumped my un-eaten lunch, and hurried out of the room. I made it half way back to my locker before I was all-out bawling.
           “What have I done? What have I done?” I moaned over and over again. I slumped against the wall. No one heard me or saw me. They were all still eating, or in the gym having fun on their break. I just felt miserable for myself.
           “Hey, are you okay?” someone asked. I looked up and saw some guy I’d never seen before. His appearance wasn’t the best in the world, but he was decent. Tall, thin, sandy blond hair. Kind green eyes looked into mine. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
           I wiped away the tears. “Nothing, nothing” I said. Really I was thinking,I don’t even know you, why would you care?
           “I heard what those girls said to you, and I just wanted to know if you were okay.” He said almost as if he read my mind.
           “Well, I’m fine, thanks.” I lied.
           “Didn’t sound like it.” he said.
           I was beginning to get irritated “Why do you care?”
           He thought for a moment before he answered. “Because it looks like no one else does.”
           That struck a nerve and stunned me to silence.
           “My name is Spencer” he smiled, and held out his hand. I looked at it until he put it down. “I want to help you,” he said, “but I can’t do that until you let me in. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought you might need a friend.”
            I was still quiet, but what he was saying made a lot of sense. I looked up at him. “I deserved it, I was so rude to them. I-I-I” I started sobbing again. I knew this was uncalled for but it just overwhelmed me.
           Spencer sat down next to me. “You date that Caleb guy right?” he asked.
           I nodded “Yeah.”
           “I won’t give you crap about dating him. I’ll only say this once, but I think that’s a bad idea, I’ll leave that up to you. So your friends left you because you left them, right?”
           I nodded again.
           “I won’t dig into that wound either, but I will be your friend if you want me to.”
           I looked at him again. Something in those piercing green eyes made my stomach twist and turn.
           I nodded. “How come I’ve never seen you before?” I couldn’t help but ask.
           He smiled “My family just moved here, I don’t really know why. I went to a different school for a little while, but for some reason I felt like I was being led to come here.”
           I felt like something changed. I realized this was the first guy I had ever spoken to that hadn’t pressured me to have sex with him right off the bat.

           I had no idea at the time, but Spencer would change everything.

*            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *           
           Since Caleb was gone, I spent all Christmas break with Spencer. It felt nice; he was nicer to me than my friends ever were… even before this whole Caleb fiasco.
           I was even beginning to think that Spencer was better than Caleb, but I pushed those thoughts quickly aside. Caleb was my Boyfriend, not Spencer.

Spencer and I would talk about whatever was on my mind that day, but I stayed away from talking about my parents. Whenever that came up he’d tell me to treat my parents with respect and maybe they’d return the favor.

    Well, I’d tried that once and dad went straight to the assumption I was pregnant. So after he’d bought a pregnancy test and made me do it, did he get off my back about that. So I gave up on the “respect returned” theory.
           One day Spencer came over to my house. It was about two days until Christmas. He said that he just stopped by to give me my Christmas gift… Caleb and I had been together for nearly five months, during which was my birthday that he had completely forgotten. But here was Spencer, my best friend, doing something no one had ever done for me before.
           “I’m so sorry I didn’t get you a gift,” I said frowning down at the bright red package in my hands, wrapped so artistically.
           He laughed “It’s okay.”
           I still felt bad. I told this to him and he just rolled his eyes. “Just open the present”
           I did. Inside was a book; I took it out to examine it closer. It was a Bible.
           “Just in case you ever need it.” He said.
           I didn’t know how to respond. “Umm, thanks, I think.”
           He smiled. “I figured you needed one, just in case.”
           I didn’t say anything.
           We stood in awkward silence for a few minutes.
           “Thanks,” I said again, hoping we could move on to another subject. “Well, I have to go.” I said. I really had no idea how to handle this.
           “Okay, so, see you tomorrow. Right?” he asked.
           “Maybe,” I stopped on my way back inside “I have plans. Caleb is coming back tomorrow, so if we get back early I’ll let you know.”
           He smiled; he was so cute when he smiled. I shoved that thought aside. “Okay, talk to you later then.” He called over his shoulder as he walked back to his not-so-new Chevy truck. The engine snarled a protest but then he was gone. I watched him drive down the street, but as soon as he was out of sight I ran up to my room and threw the Bible into my junk drawer. I didn’t want to have anything to do with God, or Jesus or anything like that. Not now, and probably not ever.


           A few hours later Caleb texted me. Hey, you. I’m almost to your house, be ready when I get there. A brief moment of excitement coursed through me, but it went away as quickly as it came. Caleb was back early. Why? Oh well, I let it pass. When he came I happily jumped into his car.
           “Hey” I said, “Long time no see.”
           “And no hear.” He frowned “You were supposed to call me.”
           “I honestly tried, but it just went straight to voicemail” I told him.
           “I missed you,” he muttered as he started twirling my hair.
           I batted his hand away. “You’re back early,” I commented.
           His demeanor turned sour “Yeah, so?”
           “I was just wondering why.”
           He thought for a moment considering. “I got sick” was all he said and that ended the conversation.
           I asked where we were going and he said to a friend’s house. I was making an attempt at conversation and he shot down every attempt I tried.
           “What’d you do on vacation?” I asked.
           He shrugged “Hung out with some old friends.”
           Drat.
           “Did you have a good time?”
           “Sure.”
           Ugh!
           “Wanna know what I did?”
           He shrugged.
           “I hung out with Spencer.”
           That triggered a reaction, his hands tightened on the wheel. “You’re not cheating on me are you?”
           The question shocked me. “No, we’re just friends.”
           “Really, well, you two are getting awful close…” he let the sentence hang.
           “Why are you in such a bad mood?” I asked.
           He slammed on the brakes, and muttered something too low for me to hear.
           “I’m sorry, what?” I didn’t hear what he’d just said.
           “Nothing” he lied. As he started driving again.
           But I could have sworn I heard him say, “because of what I’m about to do…”

Broken Twice (Part 5)

Ch 5 Life Just Isn’t Fair!
           I followed Caleb out to his car. Fear, excitement, worry, joy and anger were a great big jumbled mess inside of me.
           “Where are we going?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
           “How about the Ice Creamery?” he asked.
           Good, there would be witnesses there. So I agreed.
           It took about five minutes for us to make it to the ice cream shop. I ordered my favorite, cookie dough, and Caleb ordered his, vanilla fudge swirl. We took a spot near a window, and relatively close to the door, so that I could make a speedy escape if necessary. I picked at my ice cream for a while then I finally spoke just to end the horrible awkward silence.
           “So what did you want?” I asked.
           He passed a hand over his face. “Lisa and I broke up,” he said.
           “Sorry to hear that” was all I could say, but to be honest I was glad.
           He looked heartbroken. I stood my ground though, I wouldn’t be used in his pattern of date, use, break-up.
           I sat there, trying to think of what to say. “Why do you think she broke-up with you?” I asked.
           He shrugged his shoulders. “She just said that she was sick of how things were between her and myself. So she just left.”
           “Uh-huh,” I said. “and you’re telling me this because?”
           “Because you’re the only person that cares.”
           I felt slimy inside, like I was about to make the worst mistake of my life. I had all my warnings… but in that very moment I forgot all of them. He was human too, and had a right to be comforted. I saw the Caleb that I had known a mere three days ago. I reached out and took his hand, my first mistake.
           “I’m here for you,” I told him. My second mistake.
           “Thanks,” he said.
           Something inside me was screaming to run away, and to never come back. But I ignored it. I felt like this was wrong, but I didn’t listen to the voices in my head and the feeling in my gut. My third mistake.
           But this is what I wanted right? Yes, I wanted to be with Caleb, he may have had his flaws, but I felt like we were meant to be. That kind of thinking was my fourth mistake. Wow this list of mistakes is going to get pretty long.
           “Can we go somewhere else?” he asked.
           “Uh, sure. What’d you have in mind?” I asked him.
           “Let’s just go.” He then got up abruptly and towed me with him.
           A five-minute drive later and we were at Spring Lake. Which was considered a “romantic” hot spot for many of the people I knew. Crap.
            He turned to me. “Let’s go for a walk.”
           I got out slowly, my stomach turned in knots. “Why are we here?” I asked. He knew very well that this was the place for lovers to come. Maybe what I was told about him wasn’t true. Maybe he was romantic. Just like I’d previously thought he was.
           We walked on the path by the lake for a while, not talking. It was nice, and it felt like today hadn’t even happened. I began to believe that things were normal again. My fifth mistake.
           “You know…” he paused for effect, “You’re really the only person that can make me feel better about myself,” he said, “about the break-up I mean.”
           I was beginning to feel awkward, like he was going to take this conversation in a direction I didn’t want to go. I looked at him square in the eyes then. The look written there… desire. I felt kinda special to be wanted but at the same time I felt nervous and sick. He shouldn’t want this of me.
           He touched my face. “What?” I asked.
           “I really like you Chris… I think I love you.” He said.
           I looked at the ground “Caleb…” I removed his hand from my face, “I thought I liked you… but today, I uh, found out something about you that makes me unsure.”
           He scowled “What?”
           I hesitated. I didn’t want him to hurt my friends that told me about him… and what he’s done. “I don’t want to be used,” I said in a hushed whisper.  “If I’m gonna be with someone I want to have the future in mind, I don’t want to have a boyfriend for two weeks and break up. You know what I mean?”
           He was quiet. “I won’t abandon you, they always abandon me.”
            I considered this for a minute. And I believed him. My sixth mistake, and one of my last mistakes of that night.

           I woke up the next morning feeling stupid about last night. I had no idea why, but I had the feeling that was the first chain of events that would lead to disaster. My phone buzzed. It was Caleb.
           What do you want to do today? ;)  The text read.
           Umm, idk :P Maybe you can come to my house today and we can just hang out? I texted back.
           He didn’t take long to respond, Are your parents home?
           Yeah O.o What a weird question.
           Then maybe we should do something else…
           Okay, what’d you have in mind? :o
           It took him a minute I have an idea, and it’s a surprise ;)
           I looked at the tree outside my window. The bright orange leaves were beginning to fall, making the tree limbs easy to climb down. I considered what Caleb had just said. Yeah, okay.
           I’ll be right over! :)
           I pulled my jacket on. It was cold outside and they were predicting snow. I put on  my warm boots and gloves. Not exactly the most practical wear, but they were cute, and I didn’t think we’d be outside for very long. Finally I heard a car horn honk. I hollered down to my mom that I was going with friends, and since it’d take less time to climb down the tree rather than run down the stairs, I landed lightly on my feet. My room window was two stories up. I loved my little “fire escape”.
           I slid my body into the warm car; I didn’t realize just how cold it was outside. We were both quiet for a minute. I was trying to think of what I wanted to say.
           “So, um, are we like, together now?” I asked.
           A smile played on the edge of his lips “If that’s how you want it,” his voice was dead serious, no hint of the smile that was on his face.
           “Okay,” was all I said. Nervousness, fear, happiness and the feeling I was doing something wrong were all present in my gut at the same time, and their constant contradiction made me feel sick.
           He took my hand. “Are you okay?’ he asked.
           “Can you pull over, I think I’m gonna be sick.” I said not wanting to defile his car.
           He stopped the car. He shut the engine off, and turned his body to me. “Are you really okay?” he asked. The concern in his voice and on his face was so sincere I couldn’t help but speak my mind.
           “I don’t know why, but I just I feel like there’s something off about US, I can’t explain it, I know there’s no good reason for it but…” I trailed off, not wanting to continue. I had started to cry. “I’m not even sure this is what I want anymore.”
           He pulled me into his embrace. “It’s okay, we’ll be alright.” He repeated that over and over until I stopped crying.
           Thing was I knew exactly what was wrong, but I wanted to do what I wanted, without consequence… I knew that wouldn’t be the way it’d end up though.
           I hardly even noticed what was going on around me for the next few hours. I was too busy thinking about what could become of this. What could possibly change in me? I didn’t really want to lose my virginity, but if Caleb promised he’d stay with me… Well, I just wasn’t sure anymore.

Caleb had taken me for a walk in the park. We’d stood on the bridge over the little creek and just talked for the longest time. We talked about our parents. How my mom was always so super worried about my well being that it got on my nerves, and that she always seemed to like to dump her stresses of adulthood on my teenage shoulders. How his mom could be slightly controlling. How my dad was not really ever a dad to me, except for when I was little. He’d sympathize and hold me close telling me that one day it’d all get better. I really hoped he was right, about way more than he realized.

We talked about the possibilities of where our relationship could be headed. He told me that he loved me often. Then he’d cradle me in his arms some more. I never got cold, cause he was always holding me or hugging me or something. I felt warm and happy. Or at least I thought that’s what happiness felt like.