Broken Twice (Part 3)

Chapter 3: These are among my first mistakes

           “I can still remember the first day I met you,” I began. “and how I was all alone and you came to help me. how I was crying because my dad and I had just gone through another one of those arguments... I remember feeling like you were different. I remember how you made ME feel different. Like maybe someone in this world really did care.
           “I remember I was happier than I had been in a long time, mainly because you were such a good friend to me. I remember the first Sunday after our new found friendship. People began to assume things about us… and then I discover that I did like you. I thought that you were special, that maybe there was purpose to life when you have someone to live for. So when you told me last night that you had a thing for someone else… Do you have even a remote idea about how much that hurt me?”

He was quiet for a minute “So, you… like, have a thing for me?” he asked.

“I figured it’d be obvious at this point…” I responded.

“So you do?” he practically whispered.

I could only nod; the lump in my throat wouldn’t go away. He sat back in his chair,  His angry expression turned thoughtful.

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” He said. “Give me some time to think about this”

I nodded again. Then he got up, said goodbye, and then he just left.

That’s a very bad sign said the pessimistic voice in my head. I actually muttered “Shut up”. Some people began to give me funny looks.

That’s it, it’s over. He’s probably gone for good now.

At this point the tears began to flow mercilessly. Things would change soon. For better or worse I had no idea.

*            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *

I sat in my room with my pillow over my face, when someone knocked on the door.

“Go away!’ I yelled, my voice muffled by the pillow. “Leave me to wallow in my misery.” The person came in anyway.

“Come out. Talk to me.” Mom said.

“No” I croaked.

“Christina, this is getting ridiculous.” Mom commented, “If a guy makes you hurt so bad that you are this… depressed, why do you hang on?”

I said nothing; no one would be able to understand. Heck, in high school mom had never dated anyone, or even had a crush. There was no way that mom could possibly even try to relate to me.

“See what I mean?’ mom asked.

I remained silent. A few minutes passed and she left. I kept looking at my phone waiting for him to text or call me or something. An hour went by with nothing… I decided to check Facebook. No messages, no posts… no nothing. Ouch. So that’s how I spent the rest of my Friday. Moping in my room waiting for something to happen that probably never would. I could be waiting for a star to fall into my room and start talking to me, was all the good it did for me. I was waiting on the improbable. Hoping for the impossible. I guess I should consider myself a pessimistic optimist.

Finally my phone buzzed, but it wasn’t Caleb, it was Jessica (one of my friends from my soccer team).

Wanna go do something? She asked.

Not really. I texted back.

Why not?

Because I don’t really feel like it right now.

Somehow I had the feeling that Sarah had put Jessica up to this.

After a few minutes I changed my mind.

Actually, I think I might want to talk right now. I messaged her, Oh, and Jess, I would appreciate it if you hurried up.

Okay, I’ll see you in a few.

    I felt like maybe Jessica would give me more the response I wanted out of a friend, rather than the tough love thing Sarah had been doing lately.

I heard a car honk; I looked out the window, and sure enough. There sat Jessica’s fairly new Audi coupe. Jessica came from a rather “well off” family.

I rushed down stairs “Mom! I’m going with friends!” I called before I made my rushed escape.

“Alright” I heard her call just before I shut the door. Then I flew into Jessica’s car.

“Hey” she said a slightly confused look on her face. “Where to?”

“Anywhere where we can talk.”

“How about we go see a movie.”

“Huh?”

“A movie, you need a break, what do you want to see?”

“Umm, I don’t know.” I didn’t even know what kind of movies were out. I never paid attention to that kind of stuff.

“Well there is this new movie I kinda wanted to see… so lets go, get your mind off of what’s bugging you. You can say what you need to say on the way.”

So I started telling her about the whole thing with Caleb. Her expression soured the more I talked.

“I really, really like this guy.” I summed it up.

“Hmm, can I ask just one question?”

“You just did, but sure.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” I asked.

“Why put yourself through such pain and suffering… over a guy? A stupid guy at that.”

           “What do you mean?” I asked.

She sighed. “Remember Lisa?”

“Yeah, the one he likes, how could I forget?”

“Well, Lisa is my best friend. She used to have something for him, she used to like him, she used to think that he was a good guy… until she discovered that he was using her…”

This news scared me. “What do you mean? I asked again. At this point I was beginning to sound like a retard, but I was really, truly lost.

“Oh Christina, I wish you never would have put your nose in this dating game business; you’re just too good of a person to have this happen to” she said. I could beg to differ on that last part.

“Huh?”

“Christy, Caleb used Lisa.”

“Used as in…”

“Yeah” Jess whispered. I could feel the blood drain from my face as the pieces fell together, but she continued anyway.

“Lisa got STDs from Caleb”

“Meaning it’s not the first time…”

“No, and it won’t be his last either, which is why you should stay away from him.”

“Who did he...” I swallowed.”do it with before?” I don’t know why I was asking this, but I just did.

“Maybe you should go talk to Sarah about that…” Jessica said.

“Jess, pull over. I think I’m going to be sick.” I said clapping my hand over my mouth.

She quickly pulled over. I flew out of the car, and just barely made it. Jessica came over and patted my back.

“Go away; You really don’t want to see this.” I said. Just before another round of vomiting took over my mouth.

“You know, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re beginning to develop stress induced bulimia.” Jessica joked.

“Shut up.” I groaned.

“I’m serious. I saw this thing on TV last night...” she trailed off when I scowled at her. She was silent for a minute. “Do you want me to drive you to Sarah’s?” she asked.

I Inhaled. “Yes.” I said nodding. My stomach was empty now. I should be able to make it to Sarah’s house. That is, if I didn’t pass out first. I felt so dizzy. Everything that I had known and relied upon a mere five minutes ago changed. It was kind of like reversing the rotation of my own little world.

We got back in the car. Jessica pulled a U-turn, and we were headed back into town. We were quiet for a while.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” Jessica said.

“It’s okay.” I croaked.

“No, Sarah was supposed to tell you. I guess I just automatically assumed that Sarah had told you.” Jessica said in a hushed tone.

“No, seriously. It’s okay... Something like that I need to know.” I whispered

I never wanted to know it though. If only I would have known it sooner... It could have saved me a lot of potential hurt and suffering in the future...