Broken Twice (Part 2)

Chapter 2: And That’s How A Miserable turn of Events Began…

I pushed the petal to the metal on the way back. The feel of the speed helped get my mind off of things for a little while.

I didn’t want to go home, I still had about forty-five minutes before curfew. So, I went over to my friend Sarah’s house. Once again, I did the sneak out routine. Then we went to a coffee shop to talk. I was hoping that she’d be able to give me some solid advice as to what I should do. Give up? No. Confront him? I was too scared. I was hoping that she’d be able to give me a new idea that I liked.

I told her everything that had just happened and by the end of my tale I was crying.

She was quiet for a moment. “Does a guy like that deserve you?” she asked.

I shot her a nasty look.

“No, don’t get me wrong. I mean if he was ‘the one’ for you, wouldn’t he be a little more… caring?” she sipped her iced mocha, her piercing ice blue eyes never loosing contact with mine.

I sat quietly considering. “I know, it’s just… I try letting go. You have no idea how many times I’ve tried… but it’s like gravity revolves around him,, I can find him in a crowd of one million just because of that pull.” No one would be able to understand how things were for me. It was just unnatural how… un-wavering I could be. Yeah, that kind of statement alone stamps me as a Twilight freak.

Sarah rolled her eyes, “Little bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Easy for you to say, you have a boyfriend.” I shot back. Sarah was happier in her current relationship than I’d ever seen anyone be before.

Sarah thought for a second “You have to remember it wasn’t always like that…” her eyes glazed over, and I knew she was thinking of painful memories from barely over a year ago. She never talked about her “past” that she kept referring to. Sometimes it bothered me that my best friend wouldn’t tell me everything, but I let that kind of thinking pass. She’d tell me when she was ready. I always told myself that.

My mind started racing. In my head I kept going over Caleb and my conversation, trying to think of where I went wrong, and came up with nothing. Maybe in the past I’d been a bit bossy and I’d always been the drama queen, but c’mon. I’m a girl. Cut me a little slack.

“What do you think I did wrong?” I asked.

“You’re asking  me?.” Sarah said flipping her dark brown hair out of her eyes. “If I were you, I’d just forget about him. It’s so not worth your time. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just someone else did everything right. I think you should just give up.” she finished.

“You have no idea how hard that’ll be,” I muttered.

“It’s up to you whether or not you want to wallow in your pain.”

I looked at my phone, “I need to go; I have to meet my curfew,” I said.

“Alright, see you tomorrow, Think about what I said, alright?”

“Fine.” I grumbled.

           *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *            *

I woke up the next morning and I just told myself that last night was a nightmare… until I saw Caleb’s text, asking me why I took off on him last night like that. I ignored it. I didn’t want to have to deal with that mess right now.

I went to school and managed to get through the day without letting anyone know that I was miserable… well, everyone except Sarah, She saw right through me.

She asked me about it at lunch. “Still moping about Caleb, huh?”

“I have a right to, you know.” I said picking at my food. I felt more like puking than eating right now. “I-l—“ I was about to say “loved”, but changed my mind. “I liked him for nearly five years; I think I have a right to be upset!”

Sarah rolled her eyes, “Just because you hang out with a guy doesn’t mean you have a claim on him,” she said.

I couldn’t say anything to that. I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. “Sarah, just drop it, I’ll figure it out myself,” was my brilliant response. I wanted someone to mope with me, not try and make me move on. Weird? Yeah, just a little.

“Fine, but if you ever want to talk about it, you know I’m only a mile away.” Then Sarah got up and left me to my miserable self.

I’d spent lunch with my head in my hands. My stomach was in too big a knot for me to even try to eat anything. I put all my effort into the little things. Like not hyperventilating. I focused on trying to slow my breathing for a good five minutes. Then I focused on trying to slow my heart rate. I tried to sort out the jumbled mess of thoughts in my head and found that impossible. I closed my eyes. I tried to remember how to plaster that fake smile back on my face. At least I managed to do that. I convinced myself of this imaginary happiness, then I was able to get up, prance high and proud over to the trash cans, and dump my un-eaten lunch. Maybe I should consider an acting career. I spent noon break laughing and joking with the girls from my soccer team like I normally did.

Maybe I could make it through the day without a total breakdown.

“Cris? Can I talk to you?” I heard Caleb say while I was getting my books out of my locker.

I whirled around and he was right in my face. “What?” my heart was thumping wildly from the closeness of our faces. I could smell the peppermint gum in his mouth. I saw dark circles under his eyes. Maybe that walk I sent him on really tired him out. I hoped so.

“Last night… I finally think I get it… can we meet after school and talk about it?” His eyes were pleading. He knew that I could never resist that face. Okay, change in theory. Maybe he’d stayed up really late last night trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong... The thought scared me a little bit..

I swallowed, “Um, sure, fine. Whatever. I’ll meet you after school at Starbucks.”

He nodded and walked off.

I was hyperventilating by the time I pulled out of the parking lot. I was so nervous. “What could he have possibly figured out?” I asked myself. “I mean, he’s ignored the fact that I like him for well over five years… how could he have possibly figured it out now?” Last night’s drama was nothing new in our relationship. I over-reacted a lot. Call me a drama queen, but it was true.

What if he figured out the truth? I thought. What’ll happen? What if he has the wrong theory? Should I just lie to him? No, I want the truth out. Right? Right. But what if... what if... I was going to die of a premature heart attack if I kept stressing out like this.

I saw his red mustang in the parking lot… and my breathing slowed, mainly out of routine to keep calm around him. The worry was still in the back of my mind though. I knew it’d have an effect on how things would go. I sat in my car for a second, trying to gather my thoughts... which have seemed to have been scattered a lot lately.

I got out, walked into the building, and there he sat. He’d already ordered, he knew what I liked, half hot chocolate, and half cappuccino.  I slowly sat in the seat across from him.

“Hey” I said, not meeting his eyes. He didn’t answer. I looked up; he was looking away from me, arms folded, scowling. He tended to let his temper get the better of him sometimes. The face he was making now meant that he was trying to keep from yelling at me.

“Caleb… What did you want me to come here for?”

He looked at me then. He took a big exasperated breath. “Chris, I simply want to know why you left me just standing there last night.”

“…I… You… Uh, It’s hard to explain, it’s kind of a long story…” I stuttered. I was nervous.

What happens if he does blow up at you? Never thought of that before did you, genius? said a super negative voice in my head. Most of the time I’d listen to this voice. Not now, I always saved second guessing until after I’d screwed up. I always had to learn the hard way.

“We have time” was all he said, and he folded his arms. I had never seen him this serious before. He was scowling, never a good sign.

“When you… I…” why was I stalling? I wanted to get this out, so why on earth was I suddenly so scared, that I was tongue-tied? “You want to hear it from the beginning?” I asked quietly.

“That’s all I’m asking.” He answered in sort of a “no duh!” kind of tone.

“Well, it starts quite a while ago…” I began.